Top Ten Movies
Ok…I owe you all a real blog post but for now…after much deliberation, Boyfriend and I have come up with the top ten comedy movies from what we call the golden age of comedy. Thoughts?
10. Borat/Zoolander- this is a tie we are tired of arguing about.
9. Dodgeball
8. 40 Year Old Virgin
7. Knocked Up
6. Old School
5. Wedding Crashers
4. Anchorman
3. Step Brothers
2. Hangover
And finally…
1. Talledega Nights
Thoughts?
#GrownUpProblems
I consider myself to be fairly “adult,” although maybe I’m more of an adult-in-training, but that’s ok. I have done a lot of very adult things, such as: flying alone on an airplane, driving a stick shift, incurring massive amounts of student loan debt, and cooking most of my own meals (See 7 year old me? You’ve made it!). But there are some things that just seem very “adult” and they are things that I will never do, and therefore…I will never actually be an adult.
1. Have my own Netflix account
I don’t understand why anyone needs their own Netflix account actually. After the first million or so accounts were purchased I think there are enough passwords to go around. I use my parents’, Boyfriend uses his…as long as no more than two people are trying to watch something at the same time, you’re golden. I actually think one Netflix password would be enough for a small village to share. I won’t need one of my own until I have children old enough to use Netflix. I’ll keep the $8 a month in my account for the next 15 or so years, thank you very much.
(Related: having my own cell phone plan or health insurance.)
2. Have a home phone number
Thanks but no thanks “bundlers” but you can keep your home phone plan. Not really sure why these exist at all anymore except to keep the telemarketing business alive (conspiracy???). My mother says I’ll want one when I have children in case I need to call 911, but considering I’m 21 and my brother is 16 and 911 has never been dialed by any member of my family, I think I’m safe on this one too.
3. Negotiate for a car
Never happening. Everyone knows this is your father’s job. My dad brought hid father with him when he bought his last car, and my dad knows everything, so this is obviously true for everyone everywhere forever.
4. Not be afraid to be home alone at night
I blame my parents for this one, because they never let me stay home alone overnight until I was already in college. I’m cool during the day and as long as there are lights and a television on somewhere all is well, but that last 15 minutes where you have to shut off the tv and the lights downstairs before going to bed leave me so terrified I would almost rather never sleep again. Apartments, dorms, etc are fine because there are other people around/you can see all the spaces in the room…but a house is a different story. Once the lights go out it’s just you and the ghosts/robbers/rapists/zombies left.
Housesitting. Great Job, or Greatest Job?
House Sitting has to be the greatest job there is. Period.
Think about it…you’re getting paid just to exist. While some family is out of town on their wonderful vacation, you’re getting paid CASH MONEY to just sit at their house, watch their tv, and eat all their food. Sure, there’s some responsibility like dogs, cats, bringing in the mail…but that’s minimal effort for maximum enjoyment.
Who doesn’t love to play house?
I’ve usually house sit a few times each summer and those are truly the greatest weeks of the year. I love dogs. I can’t have a dog because I’m practically a nomad, but I always miss having one around. I’d rather watch dogs than kids any day. WAY less responsibility and WAY less back-talk. Win-Win. So basically I’m being paid to eat, and hang out with dogs. If only every job could be this great.
The worst experience I ever had while house sitting was a few summers ago. I was staying at a house with a fairly neurotic dog. This dog would bark randomly at all hours of the night, it would walk down the stairs to the basement, then refuse to walk back up them without me walking up with it. It was a bit bizarre. But they had an awesome pool and a Tempurpedic mattress so I ignored the issues at first. But these small annoyances were only the beginning…
Anyway, one day I was sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee or something and I looked up and notice what looked like small grains of rice stuck to the ceiling…all over the ceiling. When I looked closer, these little grains of rice were moving. In fact, they weren’t grains of rice at all but instead were tiny worms.
Ew.
When I followed the swarm of worms back to their source I discovered that some old boxes of cereal in the cupbord had been infested with these little moths, which had obviously laid eggs, which had hatched and were currently making their way across the house via the ceiling.Clearly this wasn’t the family’s fault and it could’ve happened to anyone, but still..
Gross.
Well I did what any normal person would do, and I freaked the eff out. You all remember my irrational fear/phobia of moths and butterflies right? Well this was 10 times worse because they were inside and they were EVERYWHERE. I had to get out the vacuum cleaner and suck up all the little maggots, throw away almost everything in the pantry, and clean until my hands hurt.
BUT…imagine if I hadn’t been there? That poor family would’ve come home to a swarm of ACTUAL REAL LIVE FLYING MOTHS. WAAAAYYY worse than worms.
So there you go. Hire me to house sit for you, and I’ll probably save your house from a deadly deadly swarm of some sort of insect. Probably.
World’s Worst Jobs
1. School Bus Monitor
School Bus Monitor is infinitely worse than school bus driver. This person has the doubly awful duties of maintaining order on a school bus full of misearable children, and climbing on and off of a bus repeatedly in all sorts of terrible weather. Plus they have to keep on the lookout for stray cats or kids crawling under the bus. This person is probably a woman in her mid to late 90s who I imagine has suffered some wrongdoing on the part of her children and must now go back to work because they squandered her retirement money, had too many children out of wedlock, or are just plain awful people. This person also probably has far fewer teeth in her mouth than most of the 8 year olds on the bus, for whom the tooth fairy is a frequent visitor.
Where dreams of a quiet retirement go to die.
2. Construction Site Flagger
Do you like to wear brightly colored vests? Do you like to wear hardhats for no apparent reason? Do you enjoy mean-mugging innocent commuters? Then construction site flagger may be the perfect job for you. This job is 10 times worse than being a construction worker because you have to stand still in the elements, in the middle of the road, stopping and starting traffic with a stupid sign and wave. Construction Site Flaggers are generally either the oldest/weakest member of the construction team, or burly women construction workers who terrify drivers into going half the speed limit. Good for you for keeping our sites safe, Construction Site Flagger, but your job sucks.
This guy hates his life. And yours.
3. TV/Movie Swear Bleeper
Being ever vigilant for the rogue curse word on family friendly tv, the TV/Movie Swear Bleeper controls the entire moral fiber of a nation with one push of a button. I like to imagine that this button is overly large and bright red, like the Staples Easy Button.
Excessive? Yes.
The TV/Movie Swear Bleeper probably starts as a TBS Movie Dubber, and I assume there are office competitions to see who can come up with the strangest word substitutions. Things like “Yippee Ki Yay, Mister Falcon.” or “I don’t give a razzamatazz”. (You tell them!) Those who succeed in baby-proofing America’s favorite movies get to move up to The Show…Live TV. Talk about pressure. You must have catlike reflexes and a sense of right and wrong as black and white as Jesus himself. Imagine how it would feel to reach the height of your career, top of the heap, and have it all crash down around you after one profanity laden outburst.
Same goes for Live TV/Sporting Event Pixelator. In their nightmares, Janet Jackson’s nip-slip plays on loop.
Being 21
They say age is just a number, and I agree with that. I think you’re only as young or old as you feel or choose to act in a particular situation. Being 21 is difficult. (I know, I know, #firstworldproblems.) I don’t want to sound whiney or childish, and I don’t want to sit here with my arms crossed and pout “poor me poor me” but it’s true. I know someday I will look back, as we all will, and wish to have this again but for now I’ll be flat out honest with you: Sometimes, it just kinda sucks.
I’d like to put forth the argument that going through your early twenties is a lot like going through puberty again. And we all remember how much fun that was right? Right. But this time around, instead of training bras, deodorant, and school dances, we have jobs, relationships, and grownup responsibilities.
Eww.
Everyone wants to tell you what not to do. If you party and relax, have fun and enjoy yourself, you’re being a lazy, spoiled douchebag. If you work hard, focus on your goals, and slog through day to day life in the real world you’re “missing out on youth” and “growing old too fast.” Well which is it? Should I take out a loan and backpack through Europe this summer, or work a 9-5 and be too tired to go to the bar?
It’s true that we’re lucky just to have these problems. We don’t have to be married with kids already, all of our friends aren’t necessarily off to war, and we can say in pretty certain terms that we can do whatever we want to do with our lives just like we’ve been told since preschool. But that doesn’t make it any easier to accomplish. At this age, everything is changing constantly. Every two weeks is another life crisis because every two weeks, everything you think you know and are sure about shifts. Maybe by a little, maybe by a whole lot. No one is established anywhere. You can’t go home, you can’t stay where you are (or maybe you can, but you just don’t want to), and everyone is just a little bit miserable.
We, or I at least, feel at the same time both too old and too young. For example, I share many of my favorite hobbies (drinking tea, reading, yoga, crossword puzzles) with old women, and at the same time did you know that Kate Upton is only 19?? By no stretch of the imagination was I ever going to be a model but now that I’m truly past it it’s kind of upsetting that I missed my chance. (I imagine guys feel the same way when younger football players are drafted to the NFL.) I simultaneously crave responsibility and independence, and yet want nothing more than to have someone cook me dinner and tuck me in at night.
We will look back on these times someday and wish we had been more confident, sure of ourselves, responsible, or irresponsible, but for now everyone is blindly stumbling around, trying to find their niche. Trying to hold on to people or things and make everything a memory because so often we are told that we will wish we could go back to this.
I guess what I’m saying is, we need to cut ourselves some slack. We can’t and won’t have everything figured out just this second, and that’s ok. If we made it through middle school, we can make it through this too.
(If you want to read more about the plight of the twenty something by much better writers than me, there are currently 1032 pages of Thought Catalog articles to indulge your most melodramatic desires.)
“What’s on your mind?”
It seems like everyone wants to know what you’re thinking about all the time. Your mom, your boyfriend, your dog, hell, even Facebook asks you every day “What’s on your mind?” So here is a nonexhaustive list of what exactly is on my mind at any given moment in no particular order.
A running list of the groceries I have and the groceries I need.
A running list of the amount of shampoo/conditioner/toilet paper/aluminum foil etc. in my house at any moment.
My presumed answers to Courtney’s Quickie or Brady’s Blank from the morning radio show, since I get out of the car before I hear the real answer.
The passwords to every computer, account, wifi network I’ve ever used at work, school, or home.
The last known location of my lab coat, sharpies, and safety goggles since I lose all of these things every single day.
Music. Either the last earworm song I heard (Call Me Maybe.) or defaulting to a sorority recruitment song.
What I’m making for dinner.
Whether or not I locked the doors to my house or car.
The plot and characters of anywhere between 2 and 6 unfinished books and/or movies.
The current state of the laundry/dishes situation in my house.
Drafts of blog posts.
An inner monologue/narrator a la Dr. Dorian from Scrubs.
The current state of anywhere between 2 and 6 unfinished experiments at work.
Ideas for the book I will someday write.
The current gossip situation, including but not limited to work, friends, family, celebrities, and random passersby.
When I need to stop for gas.
How much money I have/don’t have.
The running list of things I am allergic to.
Books and movies I’d like to read and see.
Drafts of tweets I have not deemed witty enough to tweet.
Any social faux pas I committed within the past 6 months, playing on loop over and over.
Whatever my boss last told me to do so I don’t have to ask her to repeat herself…again.
How much wine I have left.
The things I would say to famous people if we ever met.
Wild, outlandish daydreams.
My current levels of exhaustion, hunger, thirst, and boredom.
Plus, whatever it is you’re actually asking me about.
Just Stop It, Pinterest
I love Pinterest. I think it’s great for cataloging the wonderful things on the internet that you know you’d love to see again or buy, recipes, etc. But let’s all be honest with each other and ourselves for a minute…none of us are Martha Stewart, and none of us will ever craft even one tenth of the crafts we all pin on Pinterest. It’s just not happening.
In the time it would take to do this with a five year old, you could've brought peace to the Middle East.
I know it’s cute and fun to imagine that some day we will all have nothing better to do with our time than to make, by hand, every decorative element to our weddings, birthday parties, baby showers, and homes, but since we’re all intelligent, driven people I just have to say: it’s not happening. Who has time for all this? What are these people doing with their lives besides crafting? I’m so confused…is this a job that people have? I like to look at etsy as much as the next guy, but that doesn’t mean I’m running out to start selling my friendship bracelets (the only craft I could ever really master).
Why?
Plus, have you ever seen homemade decorations? Unless you actually have a creative flair and are handy with a glue gun, frankly these things always look so homemade, and not in a good way. Maybe I’m just bitter because I never went to camp and therefore my crafting skills are woefully sub par.
You will never make this. Or wear this.
So let’s all just take a step back, take a deep breath, and step away from the craft store and go back to pinning things that really matter, like shoes we can’t afford and wedding dresses we hope our boyfriends will never see.
Also, if you wanna see some really ridiculous Pinterest finds, check out this site.
The 3 Things I Will No Longer Be Ashamed to Love
1. Futurama
I. Love. Futurama. I don’t care if its usual demographic is 15 year old boys, this show is my jam. My love for Furturama began when I used to pick on my younger brother for watching it, because it is downright stupid. BUT, the more he watched it, the more sucked in I got, and you guys, this show is great. If you’ve never watched it, it’s a cartoon about a guy, Fry, who falls into a cryogenic freezer in 1999, and wakes up a thousand years later to a world filled with robots and aliens. It’s smart, funny, witty, and it’s written by one of the writers of the Simpsons and you know you can’t go wrong there.
People who discover my love for Futurama like to rag on me because this obsession is childlike and stupid. Point taken. But even with all of that, I have seen every episode at least 30 times (they’re on Netflix) and usually put it on when I’m going to bed. As in…I put it on when I’m going to bed every night.
This love also extends to other stupid/funny cartoon shows, like South Park and Family Guy, but those are slightly more socially acceptable I suppose.
2. NPR
Yep. I listen to it at work almost all the time, and one time I emailed the show, and they read it on the air. So I’m kindof famous.
Also, I have donated during pledge drives, and I own TWO mugs. Two. Let that one sink in.
Granted, I did not discover NPR on my own, but when I was a kid it was all my dad or grandparents would listen to in the car and it used to drive me INSANE. I hated every second of it from age 2 until I could drive and listen to loud, obnoxious music of my own choosing. But, now that I’m a semi-adult I find it interesting and informative, and can’t wait to drive my own children crazy with it, knowing eventually they’ll thank me.
3. Country Music
I understand this is a polarizing topic, but I always have and always will love country music. Sometimes it’s just nice to let the redneck flag fly and listen to some Rah Rah ‘Murrrica music. Other times the sad slow country ballads can get you through a bad day. And still other times, the music is just great. I can’t help it. I’m from a small town where country line dancing was an entire unit in gym class (Not lying.) it’s in my blood.
It’s not all I listen to, but sometimes I just need it. Plus, country concerts are unlike any other.
For those of you scoffing right now, I urge you to try it out. And I don’t mean listening to Taylor Swift. That doesn’t count.
Some songs you may want to start with:
Springsteen-Eric Church
Keep Me In Mind-Zac Brown Band
Anything by Lady Antebellum
Wow. Feels good to step out of the proverbial closet and share that. I just hope my friends can still accept me now that you know who I truly am.
Hiatus.
So, obviously it’s been a while…but I’m back! And the masses rejoice. I sort of fell off the planet since last summer, since there was a lot going on and I had to focus on things that are not a blog that mostly only my mom reads. I have since finished my final semester at UConn, graduated, and started working full time. After a long and exhausting process, I have also chosen a graduate school and will be attending Brown University in the fall to begin a 5-6 year process of getting my PhD. Yay higher education!
But now I’m back. Not having school anymore means I have nothing to do with myself after 5 o’clock. This also means I’ve spent most of my time napping and snacking, and it’s time to find something at least semi productive to do.
For now, things are going to stay the same as they were. I’ll try to update regularly, and try not to turn this whole site into #postgradproblems, but you’ll have to excuse the odd complaints about being a grown up, they’re inevitable.
And with that, I welcome you back to my blog!
Just Try'na Be Cool 